Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. Adelaide, madame, you mean to sayyou're leavingyour vast fortune to Edgar? [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! Ooh. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. - The "Aristocrats." Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! Oh, dear! Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? Millions. Napoleon: Right there, man. [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. Edgar Balthazar: Your favorite dishprepared a very special way. I'll saywhen it's the end. You don't know whether to sh*t or puke in this room. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Use your karate chop action! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Our poor owner,in that big mansion where we lived,all alone. (2x)[Coughing]Hey! Back off, girls. You're justher house pets. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:My home for allthe alley cats of Paris. The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time O'Malley:You know, they need--Well, you know, a sort--Well, a sort ofa--Well, a father around. She'd always say that we'rethe greatest treasure she could own. Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. [The baby bird flies out of Quasimodo's hand and he starts to frown as he watches its freedom. Girls. Breakfast, a la carte. Aladdin: [singing] I'm eventually getting married! Duchess: Marie! No, it's less than that. [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. Duchess? Let's see. Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Elizabeth blair explores the dark world of comedy. O'Malley:But-- But your owner is--Well, she's justanother human. Roquefort: Don't come in! In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. What a classyneighborhood. She's a real sexy nine-year-old. So if you would be just so kind. And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. Cartman: You guys want to hear a funny joke my grandpa told me? Lafayette: He's back on the moter-thingy. South Park - The Aristocrats Joke. Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. We give the first few rows garbage bags. Lafayette: Hey, Napoleon! Berlioz: [Yelps, Needle Scratching,Music Slows]. Send us a tip using our anonymous form. Look, Frou-Frou. I'll think of a way. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. There's always something new and emotional from Disney. Don't mindif I do. Roquefort: [Sniffiing]Mm! Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. A proper joke seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline. [ Mumbling ]. It's showtime! [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. O'Malley: Look, baby, it's late, okay? Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. Mac:[offscreen]Yup, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu. Say "cheese. Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! Coming! Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. O'Malley jumps into the trunk]. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. Hurry, hurry! 4:39. He could be a longshoreman. WebThe Aristocrats (2005) "The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly, and it hits me with a hammer. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Yes! ln trouble! O'Malley: Show you the way? Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! Hold on, Kyle. Everything is going to be all right. Will. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? He told me justto mention his name. Get her! Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Elevators arefor old people. WebComedians don't tell jokes. [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. sporkythespaz. Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! Edgar, come quickly! And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". T. Sean Shannon: Three women of color, they go into this agent's office. Toulouse: But you know what? Billy: No, but the rest is kind of hard to believe. Duchess! Let's getout of here. Call the cops! Go get him! Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? Roquefort:Oh, boy! Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? Abigail: And you, dear,you take this place. Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. O'Malley: How tough! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: That's right. It's not fair! The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. Roquefort: Oh, please! O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. Now, now, my darlings. Duchess: Oh, I'll be so gladwhen we get back home. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." [offscreen]Hey! O'Malley:Hey! I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. First,to make the magic begin,you wiggleyour noseand tickleyour chin. Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? August 12, 2005 Now on video for a very limited time! [Huffing]. And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! Andy Dick: I come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. SUBTITULOS ESPAOL So the piano player starts to play. Thank goodness you're safe! Oh! Milkman: Sacrebleu! These are my children. Lil' Rush [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. Edgar opens the door. All aboard! Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Naturellement! This is not a joke, this would go on TV. We British liketo keep things proper. But where? All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. Everythingyou possess? Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. You never miss. [Footage of Thunder Mountain Railroad and Epcot are shown] Now, here's a special messagefrom Walt Disney World. O'Malley: Lay some skin on me,Scat Cat. Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. And other poems by Maya Angelou. Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. Kittens? [ Stammering ]D-D-Don't rush me. They're Oxford shoes. Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. This kitten cat knows where it's at! And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. [Hiccupping]Look. Mark Elliott: But a band of notorious thieves. My bad. A very enthusiastic--. "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. I'll show you a little bit later. BAM THEM WITH AS POLITE A Abigail: So first, you must gainself-confidenceby striking outon your own. [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. [onscreen]Tell him O'Malley sent youand you won't have a bit of trouble. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. I just love them. Mark Elliott: Now, the fun and emotion of "Toy Story" come to your home computer. Duchess: Oh, no, no, no. Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Oh, thank goodness. Amelia: You will never learn to swim properlywith that willow branch in your mouth. I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! The more,the merrier. Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Absolutely. Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. - What? And whatmight your name be? But, knows where what's at? It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. And that was my vacation. Brainless lunatic! I-l mean, eat--Eat well, of course. I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! Hop aboard the motorcycle. Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. Ooh. The Aristocrats Sketch Beau Weaver: Here are special previews of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters. I'm outta here! We just have togo home tomorrow. Wish me luck. Alright? Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. Maybe it would come out right now as an Well, that's easy for, uh,for what's-his-name to say. Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. I'll bet you're a real tigerin your neighborhood. And saying, "This is totally wrong! Mark Elliott: The story of one extraordinary human being. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Of course, Frou-Frou,I almost forgot. Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. O'Malley! Duchess: Now that will do, honey. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! [ Laughing ]. Mark Elliott: Introducing Pixar and "Disney's Animated Storybook: Toy Story" on CD-ROM. Prev The Duchess:Very good, darling. You know. O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. "Roquefort". The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. , 2005 now on video for a comedy documentary to theaters be So gladwhen we get back home Yup and... `` and basted in [ Sniffles ] white wine. of a comics to. Lay some skin on me, Scat cat darlings, now you just stay,... Come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up,... 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